Friday, October 26, 2012

Cartoon Heroes

I was looking back on the old days on youtube with different opening themes of cartoons in the days of yore. I realized that cartoons back then were a lot different than cartoons nowadays. Most of the stuff I watched, at least, are made up of ensembles of superheroes.


well, that's because I liked Eduardo

Before there was CGI and megan fox, there was THIS! 

and of couse, them

Yeah, I grew up with all those. There are a lot more which I couldn't be bothered to list down or to find images off google for, I'd assure you, based on my cartoon database, I have a lot of those on them. I can safely claim that I watch most, if not all of the cartoons in the 1990's to early 2000's. And when I watch those cartoons, I've always aligned myself with the protagonist. I was the hero. Even if the hero were male, I'd easily identify myself with him, or her. 

There came a point in my life, when in kindergarten they'd ask me what my ambition was, and I'd told them that I'd wanted to be Sailormoon. Of course, I got laughed at by the whole classroom. Everybody else at that age, supposedly already know what "real" jobs are and have actually set out to at least say that they'd wanted to aspire to be something, like a lawyer, or a doctor or an engineer. It's ironic that when I got to highschool, not even half of the class know what they'd wanted to be later in life.

I guess growing up with all these superheroes kind of influenced my "wanting to make a change in the world", "wanting to save the world", or "doing something to contribute to the world".

Idealistic much ?

Even in high school, I still had that conviction, right up to my time in Taylor's. I've always thought that the world needed fixing, but when I was in high school, I found that I was smothered in pessimism. Nobody believed in "changing the world". It was either you're with the system or you're against it, and even if you're against it, you can't do anything to change the system. Going out of high school, I became more individualistic. The world is not my responsibility. All I should really be caring about is just myself. How good my grades are to ensure at least I alone have a good life. And if I can't even manage that I shouldn't even be thinking about the rest of the world. At this moment in time, with all the challenges in finding your place in the world and getting a job and settling down, all I could ever think about is how sucky my grades and how does it measure up to the rest of the group and how that measurement places me in getting opportunities.

It sucks. It's like all the idealism is being sucked right out of me. Well, in the first place, to be realistic, it is not anywhere near possible for me alone to achieve "changing the world", but not thinking about those things anymore kinds of leaves me in an empty state, devoid of any feeling to defend or uphold anything, and I'm reduced to defending and upholding petty personal judgments in the face of criticism on a social media stage instead of doing something constructive to get concrete results.

That's me going off on the tangent whining about personal life again, so. Yes, indeed, I'm actually really glad I was brought up where cartoons actually have proper story lines and proper characters. And I guess the stuff you watch kinda influence how you perceive the world at a young age. I wonder if kids nowadays actually still watch cartoons or are they more hung up on youtube or playing with tablets. Then again, there aren't many good cartoons nowadays. 

But as I grew older, I guess with a more jaded outlook on life, I realized that heroes are ideals. They don't exist in the real world. And I guess I kind of got fed up being the good guy all the time. I switched sides to the villain or the anti-hero. My reasoning was that, "it's unfair that the story line always ends up with the villain getting beaten. Why is he branded evil till the end of time? Why not give him a chance, he's actually a lot cooler than the heroes themselves."

The landmark indication of my change of camps from heroes to villains is when I abandoned Harry Potter for Artemis Fowl and for Nathaniel in the Bartimaeus Trilogy by Jonathan Stroud. I've enjoyed being dark, brooding, mysterious and intelligent.

And since then, I've never thought of myself being noble. I've always thought of myself as being a destructive entity (which I am most of the time always am when it comes to words and material things), but I can't bring myself to destroy life.

I never gave it a second thought when my mom asked me when I was little if had I the chance to be Albert Einstein or Cindy Crawford, who would I be, I'd answered with confidence that I'd be Albert Einstein, perhaps at that age, I'd answered it that way because I'd wanted to be a scientist who made an important discovery that revolutionized science for the benefit of humanity or I'd explore something to the ends of the Earth to find the ultimate truth to everything, well I guess, later on it evolved into being something like I'd wanted to be the smartest person in the world so nobody would be able to fool me, or I'd use my intelligence to be a mad scientist of some sort.

Of course, that again, went through a change. As I look back, I've had a lot of dynamic changes in the way I see myself and the world and the way I think. I don't even know where to start to describe all of those changes.

I don't really know how to end this blog post because I'm having inconsistent trains of thoughts and I really should be getting on with my work.

Till then. 

Saturday, October 20, 2012


I'd rest my head on the window pane,
as the bus moved down the road.
My eyes would imagine horses prancing in the fields that we passed by.
The continuous stream of colors on the fall-blanketed hills,
and the dancing leaves like animated fairy dust as the bus sped by,
was what I'd treasure and miss the most.

p/s: This picture I took look like some tumblr image that people would stick some emo caption on in the foreground.