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Showing posts from November, 2013

End of The Term

My neck, shoulder, back, hip hurts from being hunched over my laptop reading notes 24/7. When I study really intensely, you can see me poring over my notes and my brows furrowing looking at the screen.

Third year has been really, really tough and I feel being stretched to my physical, mental and emotional limit. Exams coming soon and it's back to back, and it's time for me to hermitize and disappear until it ends.

Pray that I survive this.

Till then.

Madness

Writing poetry a lot lately. I don't know why the inspiration just comes in bursts. The previous ones are about a person who's having regrets and who is a little afraid to love. This one is about a person obsessed with another person, right at the other end of the spectrum. Kind of busy with school, but some thoughts that I push to the back of my mind sometimes resurfaces at the weirdest times. I guess writing poetry helps me to sort it out and get it out of the system, and just let those "characters" speak through the poems. Some of the characters represent the different thoughts I have, some of them are basically other characters that I observe and then I wear their shoes for the time. These different characters take on multiple perspectives and may be divergent from each other. So, at times it seems like "I" have split personalities. I just like writing in first person, so there's lots of "I's". For this one, this "I" came up …

I don't know what to title my poems anymore

If it could be some form of consolation To make you feel a little good about yourself It’s not that you said certain things wrong Or that I’m not someone that you deserve It’s just that the magic goes away With the proclamation of love
It could be that I’m of a fickle mind And I don’t really think things through I don’t mean to be unkind, But can I un-choose you?
Perhaps it doesn’t take effect on me That words have weight And that do-overs don’t come without Unscathed egos and unrealized gratifications

I guess I'm a little aversive to dependence
and I'm addicted to
the solitude after all.


it’s something about the cease of thrill The complacence The reassurance The security The closure The illusory forever-ness The stagnancy That comes with the emotionally-charged declaration


Forgive me for being the cynic Believer of the absurd But it really is the end of the magic When I say those words


Perhaps I chose the lesser evil Letting myself rendered paralyzed by dilemmas Than going …

Not the same anymore

All those lingering glances Are cause for ponder And existential contemplations

Were they fleeting chances That I’d let wander Due to an excess of reason ?

How could I sleep at night When occupied with could-have-beens Though I never stopped myself From not even trying
These are self-inflicted wounds To my own psyche Demons I'd conjured from my mind to put my own heart in confines

Burning bridges I’d wanted to cross Just because I'm afraid of falling

Can you hold me for a moment So I don't come under Can you hold my hand a little while So that I no longer wander