Transience

Arbitrary title, if you please. It's just one of those nights where I'm home early, I could've done something better, but I just slip into this state of lazyness, probably because I've been out late lately. I'm just chilling by for a couple of hours, at present, with the biggest decision of the moment being whether I should eat or tuck in early tonight. I'm pretty much stuck on one assignment question and until I could get that done, I don't have a morale boost enough to declare myself productive and move on to the next one. It's okay, I'll take the chill pill for tonight. I used to be methodical when I write, like I'd have a rough idea of what I wanted to say and I'd have  a purpose. Then, I'd let myself write, going with the flow and it kind of turns out somewhat coherent. Nowadays it's pretty hard to just simply blog and end up with a piece that I can give myself a pat on the back for at the end of the day. I wonder why am I ...

You were the breath caught in my throat, The unconfident lies that I spoke,  I’m pretty sure it was obvious, The betrayal of my face To what my heart feels That I tried not hard enough to conceal. I’m pretty sure the awkward smile that broke on my lips Made naked my pleasure of seeing you up close like this You were the stuff of my juvenile fantasies, The excitement that tingled the skin, I’m pretty sure it was obvious, The infatuated mess that I’d become Whenever you come around And all of my brave front would come undone I’m pretty sure the eager sideward glances and lingering eyes Made bare of my covetous intention of you; no surprise. You are the irreconcilable distance, The ever hanging sentence, I’m pretty sure it is obvious, That you are a fleeting moment, The enticing past, The mesmerising present, But you are an unattainable future. 

I can understand the loneliness in your eyes When you realize that I don’t wear the same crease on my forehead As I’d frown, perplexed I wore a stranger’s face, although you still could recognize The girl from the past I can tell by the look on your face, you’re not willing to let go You’re holding on to that inch of familiar skin And you’re hoping the next time you’d see me I won’t further change I’d remain recognizable. You’re hoping circumstances won’t ever change the child you see in me. It makes me ever so afraid to return home a stranger to you.

There's something about being down with the flu and feeling pretty drugged by Tylenol. It says that it's non-drowsy, well, they must have lied. I kind of feel drowsy, but it's more in a limbo-like state. Almost high. I feel pretty light headed and heavy-lidded almost ready for bed, yet my thoughts seem to resist sleep. I also feel like I don't have the strength to move my body, like I'd just prefer to lay there in one heap, blanket and all, yearning for someone to talk to, yet not have the strength to move my mouth in an attempt for banal conversations. The past weeks have been going by so fast and a lot of things happen, leaving me feeling a little detached and almost, homeless. Well, in a literal sense, that's true as well, but it's more of a question of belonging. I'm actually under a social media reduction challenge. I'm not supposed to do anything social media related until this midnight, but oh well, I cheated. I started on a blog post, but I...