Friday, September 20, 2013

At Home



There's something about being down with the flu and feeling pretty drugged by Tylenol. It says that it's non-drowsy, well, they must have lied. I kind of feel drowsy, but it's more in a limbo-like state. Almost high. I feel pretty light headed and heavy-lidded almost ready for bed, yet my thoughts seem to resist sleep. I also feel like I don't have the strength to move my body, like I'd just prefer to lay there in one heap, blanket and all, yearning for someone to talk to, yet not have the strength to move my mouth in an attempt for banal conversations.

The past weeks have been going by so fast and a lot of things happen, leaving me feeling a little detached and almost, homeless. Well, in a literal sense, that's true as well, but it's more of a question of belonging. I'm actually under a social media reduction challenge. I'm not supposed to do anything social media related until this midnight, but oh well, I cheated. I started on a blog post, but I feel that my blogging is somewhat under control as compared to my Facebook, so I'll only go back to Facebook this midnight, but blogging seems alright.

There's something about being sick and wanting to have someone to take care of you, someone who wouldn't turn away from the disgusting mess you are, mucus and all, but no, I'd have to take care of myself and be my own company. So, this is when I'd most likely drift off to a quiet place on my own, in this limbo-like state.

I imagined myself trudging on fallen leaves on the pavement. Fall is my favorite season mainly because I'd be wearing my fall coat and fall boots and a woven scarf and all around me the leaves would be a fiery color a midst drowsy skies. At my new place, as I'd walked around my area, the hills would be a lot closer to me now because I'm exactly right at the foot of a hill. There would be large houses and I'd come across a park with a playground and an elementary school in the playground.

There would be a bench beneath the shade of the tree, facing the houses with the hills in the background. I'd take out my book and read, taking in the tranquility, savoring the moment.

Before this, at my previous house, I would take a walk, and then, I would go on a short trail, cross a wooden bridge and atop that bridge, I could see a dip in the valley, and I would see a stream and the side of a hill, also blanketed with colors of fall. I've loved it.

I love the "bookish-ness" of it all. I loved how the season seemed just perfect to be sitting around under a tree, watching leaves fall, watching people pass by, and taking in the multitude of amber colors. I had only read about these in books, and it feels so surreal that I get to experience this. Oh how I wish I could seize this moment forever.

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