Skip to main content

Depression Nation

I'm not crazy, i'm just alittle unwell
I know, but right now you can't tell
just stay a while and maybe then you'll see a different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, but right now you don't care

-Matchbox 20, Unwell-

wow, what a negative note to start the year! Honestly, i feel very flabberghasted this year. It has been emotionally overwhelming. I feel that my incapability to handle stress might lead to my eventual downfall. I feel stressed out for many things. i do not know why my confidence has suddenly ceased to exist. or why does my talent is rapidly tarnishing. Have I not had them at all after all this while? have i just hallucinated of their possession. i do not know why I have such low self-esteem. Apparently, my fear of failure has overcome all the good things in me and I am left as a hollow husk of a man. the once oh-so-brilliant star now a hopeless nincompoop. what is wrong with me? why am i being so negative? i am not expecting an answer, but i feel too overwhelmed to handle everything. i feel like I'm falling apart and I'm scared to death of what is to become of me. i doubt my own capabilities(if I ever had any in the first place!) and I can't trust myself to do anything anymore. that belief, that competence, that reliability..all gone now..why? I keep asking myself why and even if I did know why, i wouldn't know how to fix this cndition. Am I doomed to be permanently hopeless like this? I need help, but I do not know if there will be any. i'm stressed out and in despair and nervous and agitated and frustrated with myself.why? why can't i do better? why do I always make a fool of myself? why is it that I am so uncomfortable with myself? why am i unhappy. I don't even know what my passion is now. I only know the feeling I get when my efforts all result to know avail. I am an embarrassment. I am a disgrace. Why must I continue to be like this. I've tried, but I have failed. I feel so frustrated with myself! I cannot embrace who I am! I hate this!!!!!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Unintended

I'm going back today =( My class is seemingly doing a drama on inter-species romance. An alien princess with a homo sapien teenager. It's gonna be fun. The props are gonna be out-of-this-world and maybe, kind of complex to make, but all the same, marvelous if we can pull it off. For the setting, we might be doing a space backdrop. Costumes, perhaps a blend of futuristic, contemporary and medievel and a little touch of Goth as it will be in a modern-day Halloween setting. We haven't discussed the storyline yet, but it's going to be a fusion of comedy, action and the lot.. Inspirations come from an array of popular sci-fi characters from Star Wars, Star Trek and a Malay short story Anyss Sophillea. I just can't wait.
Post a Comment
Read more

My Fair Lady

This is an old issue, I know. What has brought my attention to the topic of women rights was when I watched one of the episodes of Commander In Chief on Hallmark. In that series, the president of the United States was supposedly a woman. Interesting, and she plans to take the stand for women rights to the next level despite the controversies arousing her brave statement. The debate was whether or not it was relevant to debate on an old issue, in respect of the state of today's society. Women of today have a better status than they did way back in the days of history old. Women emancipation has been heatedly debated especially in the West throughout the time, and perhaps, the most memorable one was of the Suffragettes, fighting for the right of women to vote. Some places in Africa, in history, do not even recognize rape of women, as a crime, however, all of that has changed, thankfully. The question now is, are women actually 'emancipated' as we are all made to belief? well,...
6 comments
Read more

Stuff To Think About

Reformation of Islam? Last I've heard of it was during sejarah lessons about Islah movements by Syeikh (?) Muhammad Abduh and the lot of it. After Infidel, there poses a question of whether or not there is a need to reform Islam. Is it the reformation of Islam, or the reformation of Muslims? In due course of this reformation, there is a debate regarding the reinterpretation of the Quran. I've been watching some of these videos and I find them quite enlightening. I do wish there are more discussions such as these in my own classroom. The questions were also thought-provoking. I just wished that the questions or subject matter of religious discussions in classrooms were less politics oriented, which you may or may not have deep knowledge of what is going on. Why not take it to a more personal level on how you yourself evaluate your own interpretation of your religion? Truth be told, I had wanted to become a devout Muslim, and once, my means of achieving that is follow...
1 comment
Read more