Skip to main content

Depression Nation

I'm not crazy, i'm just alittle unwell
I know, but right now you can't tell
just stay a while and maybe then you'll see a different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, but right now you don't care

-Matchbox 20, Unwell-

wow, what a negative note to start the year! Honestly, i feel very flabberghasted this year. It has been emotionally overwhelming. I feel that my incapability to handle stress might lead to my eventual downfall. I feel stressed out for many things. i do not know why my confidence has suddenly ceased to exist. or why does my talent is rapidly tarnishing. Have I not had them at all after all this while? have i just hallucinated of their possession. i do not know why I have such low self-esteem. Apparently, my fear of failure has overcome all the good things in me and I am left as a hollow husk of a man. the once oh-so-brilliant star now a hopeless nincompoop. what is wrong with me? why am i being so negative? i am not expecting an answer, but i feel too overwhelmed to handle everything. i feel like I'm falling apart and I'm scared to death of what is to become of me. i doubt my own capabilities(if I ever had any in the first place!) and I can't trust myself to do anything anymore. that belief, that competence, that reliability..all gone now..why? I keep asking myself why and even if I did know why, i wouldn't know how to fix this cndition. Am I doomed to be permanently hopeless like this? I need help, but I do not know if there will be any. i'm stressed out and in despair and nervous and agitated and frustrated with myself.why? why can't i do better? why do I always make a fool of myself? why is it that I am so uncomfortable with myself? why am i unhappy. I don't even know what my passion is now. I only know the feeling I get when my efforts all result to know avail. I am an embarrassment. I am a disgrace. Why must I continue to be like this. I've tried, but I have failed. I feel so frustrated with myself! I cannot embrace who I am! I hate this!!!!!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Of Engineering and Life

Betrayed by the worst atrociously shameful mark of femininity, the shy, embarrassed, immature, self-conscious, awkward, school girl blush in the presence of a drop dead attractive member of the opposite sex. *facepalm* I'm gonna be fricking 21 years old, hormones, please stabilize.


Taming Tigers

If you have not read this book, get you hands on it quick!
Yes, I'm serious, it is that good.

why?
simply because it is unforgivingly, brutally honest.
What I love of this book is basically the fact that not a single word has gone to waste. Every single description is relevant, and makes for a pinpoint analogy of each scenario in the book. When you traverse each sentence, you already have an idea what the author is trying to portray in the way he describes what the characters do, wear, walk, talk. the simple gestures represent the very soul of the culture so imminently depicted in this book.
And the main character, Balram, seems so real that you could almost believe that he actually runs around in the streets, er, slums of India. The complexity of emotions and the inner turmoil he felt as he expresses his views on the issues.
The author's ideas of a new-age caste of small-bellied and big-bellied people and the Rooster Coop has been compellingly displayed along the storyline, and y…

Kiddies

Okay, yesterday, I went to my little sister's kindergarten sports day held at SMK Seksyen 5, Wangsa Maju Hall. Well, the field is wet because it has been raining almost every day in KL, well, in my area.
Anyway, I was the photographer that day, a tak bertauliah one, mind you. Here are some of the pics. They are so cute!

bacaan ikar

This is not a running in a sack event, this is a running sack

balloon haul
bean bag race






future Rahman formation?Well, I guess that's about that.