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Work Things Out?

How am I holding up lately?
haha, funny question.
Recently I went back to Kelantan for an interview for a Bank Negara scholarship.
YES!!! I'm on par with Faisal! he got Bank Negara too.
but i am not as confident that I'd get it.
I wondered if it was really me who walked through the door yesterday. I just wouldn't know for sure. However, I'm not that confident that I'd get it.
but even if I don't. I'd pledge to myself that I'd get the big one: the go-wherever-I-like-in-whatever-jurusan-scholarship one for top 5 malaysia SPM 2009.
well, we'll see how I hold up for sure!
anyway, along with me the other day, there were two others from my school: syuhada and hairul.
that syuhada gal sure is making me run for my money
she's a tough cookie
a lot tougher than hakim
hairul, on the other hand, sure is a testy one
not easily susceptible to my..ehem, charms?
don't get me wrong, I just do it for kicks, maybe, perhaps as a confidence boost, in way?
but it is a great way to know people
yes, I admit it, I'm lonely
socializing makes me feel better, even though the bonds may not actally be one to last.
but at least you know your surroundings, which is a good thing, for me.
so, what should I call myself?
I'm looking for a term between a social bug and an anti-social lone wolf.
All in all, I'm sick of this hectic life. I want to unwind.
When I get back, I'm gonna face tons more work to do, and it seems strange that I'm getting busier with each school holiday.
I don't mind being busy though, I'd rather be busy than not doing anything at all,
but in way, I have to 'enjoy' being busy where somewhere along the run, there has to be a sliver of minutes of excitement.
so, I do all the things I do supposedly 'just for kicks'. You may not know what I'm hinting here, but I just want to let it out in a 'censored' manner, but it's nothing bad at all, trust me.
God, I can't imagine how relationships actually 'work out'!
I hate my pessimistic outlook on..what? almost anything?
seriously.
why do I let myself suffer? don't I have anything better to do?
heh. what a rhetorical question, if you ask me!
no, its not haiirul, I'm talking about.
But being separated miles away that only gives me like, once a year to meet him?
what torcher! and yet, they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder?
Being a sceptic, i don't think it'll work out at all.
whoa! suddenly on the spur of the moment, I suddenly remeber all that puking I had to endure two days ago in the car!
the grossest ordeal I had to suffer when babysitting. yuck!

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debu-debu penipuan
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rindunya pada Kasih yang suci menggamit lagi

ampunilah hamba yang hina ini.
"terkenang-kenang pula saat-saat merenung ke kejauhan di Pantai Cahaya Bulan tatkala melihat gambar laut.." =)