I'm counting my last miserable days of holiday before school begins again on 3rd Jan for me. I've still not finished my homework. I am now blogging approximately 10 minutes after I have roughly designed my version of SEMASA magazine cover. Yep, I am forever plagued by the weary worries of work, work, work. I suck at most things and after seeing the end product of my little 'effort', it makes me feel a hell lot worse. First of all, I did it with microsoft word, so that is why I can't show it to you (it's also very embarassing, if I did), like, what kind of idiot makes graphic work with microsoft word? That's right, me. Secondly, that is like, the farthest thing I'll ever get to being creative. Finally, it became a concrete evidence of my chronic symptom of pathetic self-pity, a manifestation of my low self-esteem. That disgusts me.
Okay, I'm going to do a recap of 2008, since I don't think there'll be anything else for me in this last two weeks at home.
This holiday, I have been:
1. Doing my homework, but still halfway finished.
2. watching lots of TV, especially HBO and AFC.
3. not studying.
4. not practicing for golf.
5. taking pictures of hideous quality for my uncle's wedding reception with a DSLR camera
6. to ICC, although there were good things and bad things, I sure won't forget it.
7. reading Twilight, boring.
8. under complete house arrest.
9. my house was under attacj by mosquitoes
10. the stupid telco wouldn't lift my call barrings despite paying the bills, so I couldn't use my phone all cuti!
Throughout this year, I have:
1. played another year of bad golf.
2. joined The Star public Speaking competition on 8th MArch, came home empty-handed.
3. UIA and HKSBP debate was enjoyable this year.
4. been screwing my grades.
5. won the HKSBP Public Speaking Competition.
6. Lost to MARA and Maher at the QIT Public Speaking Competition as a retirement present to my public speaking career.
7. failed my Bank Negara interview.
8. Finally got the golf club to 'move' a little, just a little. Went for one golf practice and one golf clinic organised by MGA. Met Uncle Tony at that time, but yeah, my shots sucked.
9. another controversy in the bag, hoping that I'd get fired from prefect one day. It's not my world, sorry. It's too politic-ky in its own sense.
10. Organised English Week, well, I guess the inter-class debate was all right, but I couldn't say the same for the other activities.
11. gone to HK Arab. I have been in and out of class that so often.
12. This year, the school had a lot of visits from other schools, so the prefects have to get out of class for discussions and such. Shamefully, I admit, I did ran away from a few of those obligations.
13. I got a 'B' for English 1119 Cambridge assessment, although overall I got 'A'. This goes to prove that I write crappy essays now.
14. I doubt my innovation project will get me anywhere. It's 'terbengkalai' now.
I know, it's a bit gloomy to end the year, and I'm totally unprepared for next year, as it has always been throughout the years, but this is the most unprepared I have ever felt. My SPM's coming up next year and I have'nt the foggiest idea where I am heading to. All I that I have ever set in my head is to get richer than Pa..that's about it.
I'm not sure I could imagine where I'll exactly be in 5 year's time. I'm scared, honestly speaking, I am anxious, but I just can't wait to get it over with. Start anew, with hopes that I won't mess up like I did this year. Gawsh, that sounds a bit depressing and emoish. I should really learn how to count my blessings-laa..
Next year, I'll be:
1. trying my best for SEMASA, everything is so haphazard as it is. I'll be working my ass off too.
2. ending my school golf career. Not to say that I won't play any more, but after this, only when I'm confident enough with my game will I join any other future competitions. I will not be forced into one. (I'm only doing it for college, nothing more. If I didn't think about my future, I wouldn't be doing it, probably that's why I didn't enjoy golf as much as I did in my early years in golf, plus, I am alone in that game. I was lucky that the golf club did 'get on the move', even though just slightly this year. It's good to play golf with friends, not with competitors. Call me a chicken all you want! I really want that joy in playing golf back.)
3. praying that KOT and prefects will not tie me down.
4. having the best debate year yet, I hope.
5. Strive for SPM, I've got lots to catch up.
After SPM..well, that's another story, but maybe I'll get my driving licence, join essay competitions, revive my public speaking career, praying that I don't get PLKN, learn to be a profesional photographer, apply for scholarships, get a part time job perhaps? (no, not as a cashier or canteen worker or personal assistant or toilet cleaner or anything!) get a story blog, TV marathon, or go to Singapore..? Okay, that's a bit too far, lets not get too ambitious shall we? well, lets just leave it at that. I'll go back to thinking what I'll do after SPM after I get through it. Still a lot of work to be done. *sigh*
Okay, the end.