Skip to main content

.......

I feel like posting something today.

First thing in my head this morning, "What day is it?"

A voice answers: "The fourth of Raya."

Oh, it's the radio. God, fourth day of Raya, another day closer to school, to SPM.

What am I doing? Lying on my back. Well, Raya is Raya.

Why do teachers bother giving homework for Raya, they very well know that I would not do it, (even though I just did, but with much grumbling). Lately, I've been doing the bio diagrams, yep..love drawing, but labelling is so melecehkan, it makes me want to crumple the whole thing and start again. Takde arah banyak sangat I have to do.

On the first of Raya, we did the usuals, go to Datuk's house, we took another family picture this year at the studios. I love my outfit, the tudung really matched the baju, although the material was delicate, kain saree, mind you. For breakfast, we had spaghetti (yum, yum), but Pa put in mixed veg in the sauce (spare me!)

On the next day of Raya and the day after that, I cleared my closet after years! I opened the plastic cases that I kept bits of papers in when I was in Primary school, there were so many paper cuttings that I don't really remember why I kept them in the first place.

I gathered all those birthday cards, Raya cards from Primary school and secondary school, I never realized I had so many of them. Then, I found a plastic bag-full of Ma's letters to me when I was in F1, F2, F3 and one letter in F4. wow

That was already four years ago???????????????????


Now, I'm only fifty-something days from SPM.

Gotta admit, this has got to be one of the most laidback approach towards an important exam, well, I didn't think I could stress myself like I did when I was in F3. I don't think I could cope with it, but yeah, this laidbackness is bothering me, although I feel difficult to get moving at a faster pace.

You know, I've realized how self-absorbed I've been all this while, and I kind of missed out on a lot of things. (and being at SBP kind of reduces time at home, and with the pile of homework, some happy family out there with cute, little siblings expected to play with their big sis when she gets home from SBP realizes that big sis is too busy with homework and studying to bother! hoo-ha, it could have been me, I've not hit my little sister for years now- hahaha, evil laugh. Not that I regret it, but there is a price to pay. hell, I sound like I'm missing home).

And what is it with SBP and social networking sites? (yeah, I'm blaming the SBP system now. =P) If I'm not in the books, I'll be found right here in front of the computer.

Truthfully, I feel like an investment in SBP where people expect to get interest by the end of it. People spend so much on you, the attention, the money and all, and if you don't perform??

What is the future for our children? What will happen to their childhood? I mean, so much for the deviation from exam-orientation, I think it just got even more crazy. You see rising social cases and kids getting more precocious by day, do you think that dysfunctional families and media influence is the sole blame? Look at the numerous subjects these kids are taking nowadays, even in sekolah harian biasa you have tuition and extra class and what not, more time with classmates teachers, less time with family, where is the childhood? School is totally invading my home time right now with, well, believe it or not, my school distributed a cadangan jadual belajar yang seharusnya dipatuhi oleh semua pelajar. The time slots are 9.00 a.m. to 12.00 p.m. then 3.00 p.m. to 5.00 p.m. and 8.40 p.m. to 10.40 p.m. That's like prep at home. That, is an infringement of individual rights to me.





Or am I just exaggerating?


Yeah, all I've ever been doing is stress myself, making a b**** out of myself, and in the end, I end up so worned out before my time (hello, I'm not working, I'm not married yet, mind you, so, it's so not my time to be worn down).

Not to say that being the best is not important, but is it all there is to life?

It can bring a satisfied smile to your face when you think about the end result, but in between to get there, you remember nothing but the pages of the books you've been reading through and that's not fun.

well, I think there should be a moderation between the two extremes of slacking and..hhmm....stressing? How do I do so?

There has always been this great debate in me that am I what am because of where I have been or is all this sick and vile nature has always been a part of me?

The future is filled with uncertainties, and still can't see where I will be going, and the year is about to end, and it's bye-bye school uniform, and hello.......................................hideous blue-black stripey PLKN uniform

but beyond that??

or the fact if I'll ever make it another day...

well,

that's where the hidayah and rahmat comes in, I guess.

Anyhow, love-hate the school, I'll be facing my last few days there, I don't know whether with contentment or sorrow. arrghhh.....






Dammit! I'm so emo.

Comments

aRiFF hAFIZi said…
asl ngn u??
cam sedyh je..
Elinar Yasmeen said…
geesh, i thot im feelin it alone. its sooo diffrnt frm pmr, im such a book-ish suck up when im in f3. now ske2 ati je nk study ikut mood. haha. good luck 4 spm :) wish me luck lah dear :pp
syukur abdi said…
kam,
1.the cadangan belajar thing, che bak and i had already crumpled it and threw it into the dustbin.
2.and the plkn suits will not of great fit to you, mind you should eat a lot before plkn.
3.happy raya, i havent got time to saying that, sorry for the bad kad raya. what do you expect.
4.academic slavery?

Popular posts from this blog

Spider-man

Firstly, I should make my biases clear, but I'm pretty sure it's obvious. I've seen the Sam Raimi trilogy and of course, I will be comparing it to the reboot. After all, the reboot came a little bit too soon after the trilogy. Most of what follows will probably just be my personal preferences and gripes. Warning, spoilers abound. 1. Peter Parker I liked the doe-eyed Tobey Maguire more as the day-to-day Peter Parker. He's the nerdy, unsure of himself, normal guy. Andrew Garfield's cheeky boyish look doesn't make me buy the Peter Parker-ness. Andrew Garfield looks like he belongs to some teen series. 2. Mary Jane versus Gwen Stacy I hated Kirsten Dunst's Mary Jane. She's completely helpless like the traditional damsel in distress and sometimes her whining about her relationship with Peter Parker, seems, idk, petty, and sometimes she seems to not understand his predicament of being Spider-man and not being able to be there for her all th

Memori Keropok Lekor

Setiap kali ada school trip ke SBP pantai timur di Pahang atau Terengganu (seingatnya, pernah mengunjungi SESTER-Perfect Score Zon Timur 2009, SBPI B. Rakit-HKSBP Zon timur 2008 kot? SHAH Pekan- HKSBP Zon Timur 2006, SESMA-bermalam untuk Sambutan Hari Guru Kebangsaan. Eh, who knows where the headgirl of SESMA 2009 is right now? and....tu setakat yang ingatlah tentang sekolah yang dikunjungi), kalau berkesempatan lalu Batu Buruk, mesti singgah beli keropok lekor. Best gila. Sekali beli mesti habis dalam RM 50, sebab beli untuk cikgu, untuk kelas, untuk ahli dorm. Sesampainya di kelas, keropok lekor akan dibahagikan untuk bahagian budak-budak (budak-budak?) laki and budak-budak perempuan. Di bahagian depan kelas, budak-budak laki dalam sekelip mata sahaja menghabiskan keropok. Budak-budak perempuan pula makan di meja belakang (selalunya meja akulah tu. Nampak sangat muka kuat "jjella", huhu). Kita makan 'cover-cover', konon ayulah kot. And then, berduyun-duyun pergi

okayy..berlambak post bulan ni

I've started packing for college! I have one big bag of clothes. Itu pun ada lagi yang belum cukup. I took out some. Well, I didn't know what to bring, I just put everything I felt like wearing, shortsleeved shirts, long-sleeved t-shirts, blouses, jeans, slacks, tracksuits, I even brought two pairs of my nenek's kurung, because I haven't worn them yet. My tudungs of various colors, brooches. Hangars and clothes pegs. washing stuff, I'm missing a berus and baldi . and cadar . Toiletries. Another smaller bag of stationary, my mum's General Chemistry (God, I hate the typewriter font) and Calculus books (which of course, I tried reading, but I don't really get it), TOEFL textbook, just in case I decide to take it on my own, see how it goes with this ICPU thing first. I also brought my Form 5 Physics and Chemistry notes. I have yet to buy log books which  plan to use during lectures, they're a lot easier to manage compared to lose sheets of paper. you k