The smell of fresh lavender woke me to my senses. Where the heck am I? was my first thought. I was completely unaware of who I was at that time, and where or how did I get to that place. It was too captivating that I simply forgot about my pathetic existance.
I was lying in a field of lavender under azure skies amidst a background of verduent pastures. This was too good to be true. A lean figure was bent over me, temporarily obscuring the brilliant sunlight bathing over me. The figure smelt of intoxicating cologne, and the warmth of his skin brushed against the coldness of mine. I wore nothing but a white lace dress. I closed my eyes as he carressed my face, and suddenly, the touch of his hand felt rough. He held my face in both his hands and started shaking my head from side to side, abruptly and violently.
I woke up with a start. My eyes were bleary, and a faint sound of an animal's cry was heard. The surrounding was dark.
"HEY!!" A voice bellowed.
Instantly, my bubble of sleepiness popped. What a pleasant awakening.
So much for lavender fields.
"It's your turn! The baby's awake again!"
"uhh?" was the only response I could manage.
"I have an early day tomorrow! I have to get some sleep. Come on! we've been doing this for years already! Don't tell me you're still getting the hang of it?"
Is that husband of mine nagging at me?
Sluggishly and feverishly, I slid out of bed from the comfort of the duvet, shoulders aching. The tiredness from the morning cleaning was still felt. My bare feet touched the cold floor. My hair was all over the place, so were my nightclothes. I was far from sexy, nor presentable that night. I made my way to the baby's cot.
"Will ya hurry up already??"
yak, yak, yak, I thought to myself. So much for "I'll go through hell for you" Mr. Romeo talk while we were dating. and I get this nag-monster of a husband who is slowly putting up weight and losing the six-packs, and hair. sigh.
"Ohh, great. Just when was actually getting some sleep and dreaming of something good." I muttered silently under my breath.
I picked up the baby, who's cries that I confused with a howling animal's at first when I was snapping out of my drowsiness.
Okay, it's not that don't love my kids, but sometimes, you can't help but want more in life? Who knows, if I hadn't married so early, I could have been making a speech worth a Phd scholarship by now at some university. Not that I am complaining, okay, maybe I am, but for the love of my kids, I sacrificed a lot, and I tell you, a lot. Pessimistic moms like me would proudly declare that we don't have a life, because our kids, and our husbands are the only life we have.
I changed the baby's diaper, and only then, would the baby finally piped it down. Yeah, poop and puke clean up, always call the mom. Quick breastfeeding, and okay, back to bed, back to lavender fields, I thought to myself.
Snoring was heard from the queen-sized bed.
"At least you have it easier than I," I said through gritted teeth.
Sometimes, I wished I were the man of the house. At least, I still had my freedom at my work place. I could pursue any degree that I wanted to. I wouldn't be tied down by my kids, because my full-time housewife will take care of everything.
In my dreams.
This is the life made for me, and I have to embrace it. Complaining wouldn't make life any easier, or enjoyable, said My-Best-Friend-cum-Counsellor.
"Mommy," came a soft voice.
My blood shot eyes darted to the source. My little girl had awaken and was standing at the doorway. Nightmare?
"I'm scared of the boogey man. he's coming to get me tonight."
Yes. I told her the boogey man story last week to get her to sleep early. (If not, the boogey man will get her). Unfortunately, my brilliant plan miserably backfired.
"aww...sweetie, there's no such thing as a boogey man.."
"but you said so last week-"
"it's bad to lie-"
"just go to bed, will you?!" I snapped.
and just then, the little girl started crying. ohh...drat!
"what's that NOISE?? I'm trying to sleep!"
The dragon has awaken.
"Yeah, I'm trying to sleep too! Don't make this harder on me!"
At the sound of my yell, the baby started crying as well.
"Damn!" I cursed under my breath. What an exemplary parent I am, huh?
If this were a cartoon, I'd stuff a pillow in my kid's mouth and I'd flung my shouting husband out the window, but this is sadly not a cartoon.
I bundled both my chilfdren in my arms, and I headed to the little girl's room. Of course, she refused to listen to anything I say. I kept shouting out of exasperation, and annoyance. My sleep deprivation prevented me from unleashing my full-blown wrath on both of them. I was extremely tired. Occasionally, there would be shouting heard from down the hall, yes, my ever-so-caring husband.
Inside the room, I nearly lost my balance because I accidentally stepped on one of my daughter's barbie dolls lying on the floor. Seriously? don't these kids ever learn to put away their things after they're done?? They must have got it from their dad. He does the same thing too.
In the end, I gave up, and just let the little girl cry until she was tired and fell asleep, which I think was around four in the morning. I tucked her in bed. Soon after, the baby also fell asleep, thank God.
I sound like a terrible parent, as if I'm not making any good efforts, and this is not a good example of a a happy family, but it is just my life. Probably other people approach it differently, but hey, people have a different way of doing things.
Tomorrow, I'd have to wake up early to wake my husband, iron his clothes, and get breakfast ready. Then, send the little girl to school. I made a mental checklist.
I was sitting down with my back against the wall and a baby in my arms in the little girl's room. I slowly closed my eyes and return to the lavender fields, and the sun. Even just for a little while.