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and I'm sayin' OMG, there's so many ways to love ya

What's with me and loong post titles now eh?

Oh, that song just popped into my head, by the way. At this point, I am so so certain I'm not getting my three essays back from my school. I should've known. Oh well, so much for keeping my hopes up, but I know I won't be seeing creative writing for a long long time.

Anyway, just blogging random thoughts these few days, nothing much going on. Just getting ready for school-I mean, college. There's a LOT of change I have to embrace. I'm pretty much terrified of not being able to cope. So, lately, I've been revising my Form 5 Add Maths (the least revised, sorry to say, I'm most teacher-centric on this subject. I think, apart from Physics, this is the only one subject that I'm very teacher-centric), Physics (teacher-centric also, but less compared to Add Maths. For these two subjects, I owe it a lot to Aiman Yusoh for helping me figure it out) and Chemistry (so far in terms of understanding, I'm fine I guess, just a lot to memorise). Even so, when I look back, SPM suddenly seemed like small fry compared to what's to come. Although I still don't get some of the things, but it suddenly seemed so basic, so elementary so... I don't know..

And to think that I will learn a lot whithin a short period of time, that spells no more last minute studying. I am so used to studying last minute for SPM. Not to say that I study last minute, I mean to say is, for mid-term, mid-semesters I do study last minute, but I ensure that I study sufficient enough for me to easily recall the facts for the next big exam so I don't have to study much even if I do study last minute for the big exam. For topic tests, I normally don't study for it, but luckily I was able to recall most of what I've learnt. I don't know if I'll have that same luck in college. Let's say I try make the best of how little or how much I study, and yes, I have my own timetable in my head. In one sitting, I always aim to finish a certain topic, and most of the time, I do. For subjects that require a lot of memorising (which is, most of the subjects, by the way) I can't do without my notes. They're like my security blanket or something, it gives me confidence to answer the exam. If lets say, I don't finish the notes I aimed to finish, I feel like I've not studied enough. I must write stuff down, but if I do the-night-before-exam-cramming, like PAI, I just read. However for Sejarah and Chemistry, if I don't do my notes, I don't feel like I've studied, so I end up doing the same notes over and over again everytime I study. That's why I don't care much if my handwriting is very 'pretty'. Even if I do reuse my notes, I will eventually add on stuff to it. Yeah, I doodle a lot too with highliters, pens and pencils. I also appreciate group-studyng if they can keep up with my pace. Especially for Add Maths and Physics, I'd always need a tutor. I stay up on average only up to 12.30 am. I've only stayed up to 2, 2.30 am once. (If it's past 2 am, that's usually coz of pillow talks. It's 'high' time around 3 am and above). Sometimes I sleep early if I don't have any work to do. Even so, if sleep gets to me, I just give in, but mind you, I hate waking up early. I've only studied early in the morning once, and nope, although people say it's better, well, my body clock just doesn't obey. I do most of my studying on my bed becuase there's lots of room to dump my books. Yes, I doze off sometimes, regardless whether it's at the desk or the bed, but it's better to doze off in the bed, because it's a better sleepig position. If I were in class, I'd usually search for an empty table and dump my books there while I studied. Yes, much to my friends' complaining, I'm a messy person. If I know I put it in that pile, I will find it in that pile, don't ever touch my stuff and put it elsewhere. Another thing is, sleep is so important to me. I usually wake up around 6 am ++. Earlier than that, I'd doze off in class. After 6, I can stay alert most of the time as long as I'm not under extreme circumstances over-exert myself over something the night before. During my PMR years, I slept A LOT. People actually say that every time they pass by my class they'd catch me sleeping. Well, sometimes, I actually advocate prep time just for sleeping, but yeah, workload is not that much at that time, so I do have time to sleep. In my SPM years, my sleeping days are over, yet I still fell asleep unintentionally in Sejarah (the Sejarah room is dark and AIR-CONDITIONED, and I'd always sleep by the window ledge where I can place my hand and rest my head. The moment I sit down, I open my book with pen in hand ready to jot down, I see the teacher come in, and the next thing I know when I opened my eyes, the kids were shutting their books and heading out and I missed a lesson of one whole chapter), Maths (the teacher always leaves us to do our work on our own. I'd finish early and wait for my friends, in the meantime, I fell asleep), Agama (Form 4 only, in Form 5, the ustazah always caught me sleeping and made me stand up), BM, Physics (Form 4 only. I was actually interested in Form 5 subjects, and yes, I was desperate). Those were the most prominent ones. Actually I did sleep at least once for every subject. I don't intend to, it just happens, but luckily my attention span improved somewhat in Form 5, and I don't doodle nor sleep that much in class. I could say that towards the end, I didn't sleep in class at all. In Form 5, I admit, I was a bit left behind in Add Maths, Sejarah, Prinsip Akaun, Physics, and I had to do A LOT of catching up, boy, it wasn't easy. Although in exams, yes, I still sleep, but for major exams, like Trials, Finals and the Big One, I don't sleep on those. For Mid-Sems, yeah. In my PMR years, plenty of sleep time since most of the papers are objectives (except for Maths, I take time answering that due to the calculations involved), so I spend like 15 minutes to answer then sleep. Usually it's Agama because I stayed up cramming the night before, and I'd do the paper in one hour until I were done (even the Ustazah noticed that most my answers were logic-based and not exactly by the book), and I'd spend the next hour sleeping. I wake up with ample time to recheck twice. Cocky? mm..maybe..that;s why I find myself making stupid, careless mistakes. Especially for Chemistry, Maths, Add Maths and Physics. It's not so much that I didn't know, but I just didn't bother enough to check to make sure my answers were correct. I was just "okay, I'm done with it." Yeah, I sound as if I'm so over-confident and laidback like I'm not taking my exams seriously just because I always get away with satisfactory grades. Well, now, I'm not sure if that attitude will do me any good in college. I definitely have to change my ways. I wouldn't like to not be able to score on my exams because I didn't know something, that would be very despairing to me, nor would I not be able to score because I was careless, that would be very frustrating. So yeah, good bye last minute studying.

OMG, why am I talking about studying? well, I very much treasure my school notes. They might look like mere scribbles and doodles, yeah, thanks to  my pretty handwriting, but I usually keep them awhile before eventually throwing them out, but still, when it comes to my work, it's actually kind of sayang to throw out. Well, at least it gives me a sense of accomplishment, that I actually worked hard for something and I didn't slack around. When I look at it, I sometimes amaze myself. I'm not bragging, but sometimes, I can't help looking at those notes and say, "wow, how did I ever come up with that? and I can't come up with anything like that now? wow, I was so rajin." Sort of like self-motivation.

That's why I'd really really like my essays back.


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