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Underneath Your Clothes

Honestly, NOTHING dirty in this blog post, chill.

That's a Shakira song that I really like. I haven't any idea for a blog post title, I just so happen to be listening to this song.

Okay, I'm blogging to put things into perspective.


1.
Pa just got a call from this Yayasan thing offering to give me a scholarship ONLY for my Foundation studies. Interview's this Saturday, proabably meting their Board of Trustees, so, sorry, can't hang out with some of ya guys.

The thing is, I know I still pine for JPA, but the last time, what happened?

Although I'd much rather want JPA (overseas appeal) or MARA, but looking at the circumstances of the very very very slim chance of getting it, well, if I got it, I'd be considered very lucky, in fact, it'd be a miracle, but maybe this Yayasan thing is a back door, just in case JPA ditched me again. Perhaps God is offering me a way out of this. And yes, I admit, I dread interviews, I'd rather start studying already like the rest of my friends, BUT, this could be my LAST chance to redeem myself, so I have to DO IT RIGHT this time. Otherwise..

Betulkan niat. Do my best for whatever is to come, like it or not. Basically, I have to take things in with an open heart and an open mind.

Yeah, I did also ask from MARA, and PNB has yet to be known of its status. So, anything can happen, and I'm sooo NOT in my comfort zone any more. At this crucial time, well, actually at ANY time, I should be bearing in mind that whatever comes my way is in God's hands. Humans propose, God dispose.

Okayyy..calm down..have faith. God may not give you what you want, but what you NEED. well, I hope my prayer is answered in whatever way is the best for me.

I always forget. I always do. I sometimes find my head, my big head, in the clouds, especially after a somewhat not-exactly-smooth-sailing-but-kind-of-successful-school-life. It's so easy to not be consistent. And too often I find myself either in a fit of anger or wallowing in self-pity, which is kind of bad.



2.

Oh, I also read up on an overview of Medicine syllabus. Oh My God, it's BIOLOGY HAVEN!!!!!!!! Nothing but pure Biology ALL THE WAYY..yeah, I know, it's A LOT. I wonder how much Biology is in Biomedical Engineering, but for sure, there's a more diverse range of subjects in Biomedical Engineering. Chemistry, Physics, Calculus, Computer Skills and Circuits, I guess.

I'd LOVE to start studying NOW. I know most of my friends have already started. Especially those in Matriculation and UTP. The ones in Uni just finished their orientation. I did give the TOEFL guide attention nowadays. I'd really like to start on Calculus. Seriously. I know, there's a possibility of me complaining that I don't get it, but I'd rather have that, figure my way around that eventually than have my brain rot. I do hope I'd be given that opportunity to study.


3.
Anyway, I gave in to my impulse today, and I bought, much to my satisfaction, this time, a red plaid shirt for RM 30. Yes, I'm broke now.

Yet, the nafsu never dies, it can only be restrained with Iman.

I find myself still obsessing over completing my wardrobe of containing clothes of every color. I had my eye on a blue RM 15 t-shirt with green slogan "save [water drop picture] save [light bulb picture] save [picture of Earth]" and a pair of Bata ankle-high high heel shoes which would look really great with jeans (I don't remeber the price, but definitely more than thirty bucks), and yes, I'm on the hunt for a pink tudung.

Percy Jackson still yet to be purchased. OMG so many things on my wish list, at a time with NO CASH.

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Sang Bayu Membisikkan Rinduku Kepada Samudera Cinta-Nya

Menatap kebiruan
yang disulam hijau permata
hamparan keindahan luar biasa

Mutiara jernih
ibarat sungai yang berlari
membasahi pipi
sekali sekala jatuh ke pasir

bayu dingin yang mengelus
membelai-belai wajahnya yang lesu
muram dek cuaca yang mendung
awan-awan kelabu
membaluti langit yang biru,
suram di lubuk kalbunya

meronta-ronta hatinya
mencari nikmat ketenangan

meronta-ronta jiwanya
mencari kebenaran hakiki

ingin saja disapu
debu-debu penipuan
yang mengaburi pandangan mata hatinya

rindunya pada Kasih yang suci menggamit lagi

ampunilah hamba yang hina ini.
"terkenang-kenang pula saat-saat merenung ke kejauhan di Pantai Cahaya Bulan tatkala melihat gambar laut.." =)