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Day 04

A Bad Habit I Wish I Didn't Have.


I wish it was bad habits, I would have listed out a lot!

Procrastination, laziness, my habit of taking things for granted, and lots more.

But two of my worst enemies is the fact that I am an egoistic person and my anger is beyond control.

I don't know why I'm so obsessed on having a stand on everything, and I have this need to express my opinion in every chance I have. I just can't shut up unless I don't have my say. I guess it's the fact that I've always been the consult of many during my school days, it gets to my head that what I think was important. And yes, having a blog is a sure guarantee I get to express my opinions all the time. Regardless of whether or not it'll get me in trouble. No worries, I stay away from politics nowadays. I hardly take much interest into it. Imma go to Canada.

So, anyway, my problem now is not being able to keep my mouth shut. Most of the times, my opinions are downright "different" from the majority because I am made to think differently. And I'd be debating about it. Trying to drive my point home, at the cost of friendships and stuff like that. I didn't know why it mattered so much to me to win a debate, especially when I'm so sure of where I stand. Sometimes, when I debate, my emotions get out of hand, I mean, out of hand, and this brings us to my uncontrollable anger.

The thing about my anger is, I don't realize when it creeps in, because once it does, it goes all the way to full-blown. I don't have a chance to think or even register, "oh, I'm angry." this usually happens when someone uses a "trigger" word. There's lots of trigger words, some I have yet to identify, but there are a few, and I'm not going to post it here. It's a bit too sensitive. Well, the reason I'm doing this post anyway, is not just because of the challenge thing, and it's not so that by revealing my weaknesses I'm allowing you to manipulate me, but rather it's for reasons so that we can share. Like, if there's a person out there having the same problem as I do , which I kind of doubt there is because my temper is really short, hot and fierce, you know you're not the only one, and it's kind of like a self-reflection.

Just so you know, if I'm angry, stay out of my way, you won't like me when I'm angry. I throw stuff, and if I can't get my hands on the person I'm angry with, I let it out on you if you happen to say the trigger word. Once it's unleashed, I am no longer aware or in control of myself. Yes, I swear a lot too.

So, I guess that's about it.

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Sang Bayu Membisikkan Rinduku Kepada Samudera Cinta-Nya

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yang disulam hijau permata
hamparan keindahan luar biasa

Mutiara jernih
ibarat sungai yang berlari
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bayu dingin yang mengelus
membelai-belai wajahnya yang lesu
muram dek cuaca yang mendung
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membaluti langit yang biru,
suram di lubuk kalbunya

meronta-ronta hatinya
mencari nikmat ketenangan

meronta-ronta jiwanya
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ingin saja disapu
debu-debu penipuan
yang mengaburi pandangan mata hatinya

rindunya pada Kasih yang suci menggamit lagi

ampunilah hamba yang hina ini.
"terkenang-kenang pula saat-saat merenung ke kejauhan di Pantai Cahaya Bulan tatkala melihat gambar laut.." =)